it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
