I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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