I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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