Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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