Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
