i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
