dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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