I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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