Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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