I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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