One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
honey bunches of taint.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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