omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
