im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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