mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize