weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
