I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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