Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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