My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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