I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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