I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am naked and annoyed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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