just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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