I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
