You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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