Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
