Tell her she can't have a vagina
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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