well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize