Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
