I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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