yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
