i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
