I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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