i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want a musical about memes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
