Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
