Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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