I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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