You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't turn off my feet"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
