A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
