I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
