This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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