I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
