That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
