She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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