Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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