I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where is the hickey?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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