I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
