I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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