He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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