just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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