Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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