Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
