I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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