I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
