My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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