Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you win again, gameday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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