After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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