I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
