i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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