You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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